I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I smell stomach acid.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
