I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
