Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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