White coat. Heels.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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