I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
