Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
