i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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