i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is wine microwaveable?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
