my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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