I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
