There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
