I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i've created a new STD.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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