We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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