marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
