You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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