I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish my penis had a tongue
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
