I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
