I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I puked a lego.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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