its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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