Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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