This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
