You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
