did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
