Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Are we still banned from the library?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
