The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
