I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
