i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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