sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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