Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
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I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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