I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
