It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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