but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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