I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
