new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
