Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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