I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
