omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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