$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
