At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
