He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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