I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
