He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
