there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
