Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
