clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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