Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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