So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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