omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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