I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I want is dick and wine.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
