Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
