i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
