Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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