he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
