did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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