I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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