I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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