you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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