Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
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My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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