I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
