I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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