I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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