I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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