We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
