he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we're making bets on your personal life
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
