I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
