I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
