I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
