So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
