Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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