Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
