Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
only you would photoshop your dick
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
