I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
