so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
