Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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