Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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