Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
