i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
