As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
