Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
