I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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