I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
